At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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