Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
