so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize