I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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