I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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