Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
