I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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