I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
