I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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