I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
