Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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