I cannot find my penis.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
