His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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