he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
