I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
