At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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