my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize