The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My balls are so social today.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
