You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We are two peas in an std pod
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
