So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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