a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
