I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
