apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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