I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
