She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize