my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
how does that bad decision feel?
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