Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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