If i come over, it means nothing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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