Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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