Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
