It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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