you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
