we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
