My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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