So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
