is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
