true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
