Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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