dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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