I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
