I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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