the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
