its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
