Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
