Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
