ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
