And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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