I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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