i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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