the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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