One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
