How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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