I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
