True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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