when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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