I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
