My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
