By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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