M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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