Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
