Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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