so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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