3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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