he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
