Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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