just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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