I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
