You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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