I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
