I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
