tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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