JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
