I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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