they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
