A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
