come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
