his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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