I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My feet surprised me
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