I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
