Got a toothbrush?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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