Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
