She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
