Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
